The weather has been so pleasant during this "winter season." The mornings are cool and the evenings cooler - but during the day, the sun is strong and the air breezy. It's made for some lovely long walks home from work, and late night evening strolls around the city - when all is quiet and calm. My co-workers have all found the weather absolutely miserable, however. They sit in the office, huddled in blankets saying, "It is so cold that I have gotten a headache and cannot work." or, "I cannot even wake in the morning because of this winter season." For the last two months, all the street vendors have sold little earmuffs for the boys and bonnets for women - which only cover their ears and tie under their chins. But really, the temperature hasn't dropped below 50 degrees F, and for me, that does not justify such a show.
One of my colleagues recently told me that after January 15, the weather will not be cold. And as predicted, the night of January 14th was very cold but suddenly, the following morning - I walked outside and surely enough it was warm again. I wish it felt like Spring was coming, but it's not. What waits ahead the looming threat of heat I've never experience before. In the months of March, April, and May, Bhuj heats up to about 110 degrees F. There is no A/C, and I 've got one fan in my house. I am hoping for the best.
But I've been thinking - there is something wonderful about staying in one place long enough to feel the seasons change - to feel grounded on this moving earth, to still and quiet your own movement and surrender to the cycles of the seasons. It feels like we are apart of some movement forward, time passes and stay where we are.
I've been experiencing time in some interesting ways lately. Although my fellowship isn't even half over yet, I've begun to feel the shortness of my time here in India. I started realizing all the things I will miss once I leave - and for this I am thankful. It's nice to miss a place, to feel a sense of nostalgia while you are still there to appreciate it. Keeping this kind of long-term perspective has also helped me to manage all the day-to-day challenges I face just living and working here. I feel stronger knowing that I've given myself the ability to view it all from retrospect, while still being present.
On a less theoretical note, since my last post I had the absolute pleasure of hosting Leah in Bhuj and then traveling with her to Mumbai and Goa. We had such a lovely time together and I continue to feel so grateful for all the support she provided me. It's a funny thing to suddenly realize the emotional maturity and internal wisdom of a younger sibling. In my absence, I think she has really grown tremendously and to share the time with her - a time of transition, in many ways for both of us - was really so special.
Goa, which is along the West coast of India, has some beautiful beaches and we spent our time lying in the sun, swimming in the ocean, reading and eating. I indulged in many things that aren't available here - beer, gaucemole, fish curries and even wearing a bathing suit. I had a lot of beautiful moments with myself, in the quiet of my own breath moving through water. Here is an excerpt from my journaling there:
some time today, I felt everything lift of me, and felt overwhelmed with feelings of light, hope, happiness, calm and peace. I had this peak moment this afternoon where I just felt like no matter where I am, no matter what I am doing, I can tap into joy - into an inner sense of happiness, into passion and motivation. I felt so refreshed, almost reborn into these feelings that I hadn't experienced, or enabled my myself to experience in so, so long. And I swam in the ocean and felt myself, my soul, my whole future moving in and out, shifting rhythmically with the water, with the sand and all living creatures. I sat in the sun and listened to soulful music and watched it sink too fast for my languishing, slowed-down self. I thought about the challenges of my life in Bhuj. How I long for nature and quiet, for peace and time for reflection, and how I've felt that it's simply impossible for me to have all that I need there - and how deeply flattened and resigned I've become because I've been so focused on what is lacking. I feel like I've somehow prevented my spirit from rejuvenating itself - that I actually indulged such heavy feelings. But now, I really feel so commited to the idea that if I give myself the time and space tht I need, that something inside of me will lead the way forward - that I can find inspiration, creativity and beauty even where it feels like it cannot be found.
now, if only i can keep this perspective throughout the heat - I think I will make it through just fine.
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